Piece by Piece Putting Myself Together

By Tuesday, January 1, 2019 11 No tags Permalink 2

D Day (also known as Divorce Day)… April 12, 2012 a day that will forever be in my memories. I recall waking up that morning feeling blah or meh. That feeling of not really feeling anything or not knowing how to feel. This day would be the beginning of a new chapter and the ending of another chapter. This was the day of my divorce. A day that I never imagined. Divorced after 10 years when we were supposed to live happily ever after together. I remember this day so vividly. I recall entering the court room, and how quickly I felt alone in a room full of people. It felt like I was in a bad dream that I couldn’t awake from. As I sat there and listened to the lawyer explain the details of our case, I realized that it took a year to plan our union and only an hour to end it. As I sat there, I began to ask myself how did I get here? Why didn’t our marriage work? What am I going to do now? All these questions and more consumed my thoughts.

Now I never intended to embark on this journey of divorce. I wanted to resolve the problems that we had not dissolve them with divorce. However, here I am in the courtroom reflecting on our union that lasted 10 years. I was 19 and in college in North Carolina when I met my husband. By 25 I was married with a bonus son (he had a son from a previous relationship) and by 32 we had two children. The shift in our marriage occurred after our first child was born. Our number one problem was his love for alcohol and lack of communication.

We communicated sure, but effectively communicating to one another we didn’t know how to do. We would speak to each other but never heard the other person. The arguing turned into yelling the yelling turned into verbal insults. His way of expressing his thoughts and feelings was intensified when he was intoxicated. The excessive use of alcohol each day was taking a toll on our relationship. After our first child was born his consumption increased. When intoxicated he became verbally abusive and his words resonated in my thoughts for years impacting my self -esteem. Counseling was suggested but he never wanted to go. At the end of the day I had to make a choice. Do I stay because of the kids and tolerate the abuse or leave and find some peace? It was a hard choice but one that needed to be made.

For anyone in a relationship, the last choice one wants to make is to end the partnership or union. However, sometimes leaving is the best decision to make. Divorce is so common and easy to do in our society. In my case the process was quick and easy not time consuming like some cases, yet the mental toll that one experiences takes years to heal from especially when children are involved. I realized that this life changing event would not only affect myself, but my children as well. I didn’t want them to blame themselves for us no longer being together. Even though they were 6 and 4 at the time I explained to them that none of this was their fault and that we love them. Even today six years later I continue to let them know that the reason we aren’t together has nothing to do with them. I didn’t want them to be consumed with depression like me. The choice for me to leave gave me peace in my home however at the same time my mental state was shattered. My confidence, my dreams, self- esteem and self -worth had been dissolved. The mental peace that I longed for didn’t happen overnight and it would take several years for me to find the inner peace that I needed and deserved.

 

D-Day April 12, 2012 a day that changed my life in its entirety. I don’t call it D Day for Divorce or Dooms Day, yet I like to think of it has Discovery Day. The day that I began to discover myself, life, and my purpose.

 

 

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BIO: Twila B. Goode is a Poet, a Blogger, and a mother to two (2) amazing boys. Twila is a Texas native who have added author to her name, which you can find on Amazon called “Pieces of Me.” Next book will be an Erotic Poetry Book. To learn more about Twila, visit her blog & follow her on Instagram & Facebook.

11 Comments
  • Amber
    January 1, 2019

    I love Twila B Goode blog and writing style!

    • Social Nubian
      January 19, 2019

      Make sure to follow Twila B Goode at Instagram.com/TwilaBGoode & Subscribe too, lovely.

  • Lauren Floyd
    January 2, 2019

    I can’t imaging going through that everyday with children. I am so happy you did what you felt was best for you. That can be so difficult to do because as a mother you’re always thinking- how will this affect my babies. But ultimately I think seeing happy parents is the best thing for any child.

  • Crystal
    January 2, 2019

    What an amazing article. You did a wonderful job writing this and expressing your feelings. D day is a day you will never forget and one you hope will never happen. You will get through it and each day will get a little easier. You are an inspiration for all women. Thank you.

  • Elease
    January 2, 2019

    I’m so glad you were able to move forward and with such compassion to what the kids were feeling and going through. I’m sure you’ve all grown. Happy D Day.

  • Kendra
    January 2, 2019

    I love that you refer to your D-day as Discovery Day. Going through a divorce is difficult, as here I am 28 years old, and already been divorced for 2 years. However, I do believe it was the best choice for me in the long run. Sometimes as difficult as it may be, we gotta do what’s best for ourselves. Happy New Year!

    kendra | http://www.helga-marie.com

  • Delux Designs (DE), LLC
    January 2, 2019

    So sorry you had to go through this. You’re right, sometimes you have to end chapters in order to begin better chapters in life. You never know, the breakup may have been the helping hand for your husband at the time to get himself together. Great post!

  • Sara | mshealthesteem.com
    January 3, 2019

    This must have been so difficult! You have an amazing mindset and are helping so many in a similar position by sharing your story ♡. Thank you!

  • Jones
    January 3, 2019

    Thank you for sharing! I like that you renamed it to encourage and empower. Discovery of self is important. You’re a very strong person. Thanks Again 🙂

  • Ntensibe Edgar Michael
    January 4, 2019

    Aaaawwww….that was terrible. I’m very happy for you, for the progress you’ve made thus far, as far as healing and living your life is concerned.

    In case you need to talk more about it, don’t hesitate to get to me.

    Much love.

  • Erica
    January 21, 2019

    Discovery day is a good way to look at such a situation.

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