To the Ones Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places…

Are you someone that constantly finds themselves in screwed up dating situations? Are you often put into the friend-zone or fail to get the person you’re in love with to commit? Ever feel like you’re putting in more effort than the other person? Like you’re always available for them, yet they’re always too busy for you? Do you ever get the feeling that you’re forcing something that’s just not there? You’re so eager to fall in love and settle down, but you just keep coming up short? Truth is… you probably are! Honestly, dating can have its difficulties, but that’s only because we make things so damn complicated when they don’t have to be. We often ignore the major signs that are staring us in the face; simply because our feelings are involved and we don’t want to start from square one. Sound familiar? Trust me, we’ve all been there.

There’s no denying it… when it comes to matters of the heart – it can require a lot of work! Think about it. Why does finding someone that you’re attracted to, that stimulates your mind, body, and soul sometimes feel like a full-time job? Not only is it work, it’s just as risky. Because god-forbid we find someone and the feeling isn’t mutual or they’re involved with someone else.

Photo Credit: Jane The Virgin on CW11

Often times, we find ourselves becoming extremely frustrated with each bad date and failed relationship. Blindly seeking commitment and desperate for the love our heart desires; mainly because we’re determined not to be alone. Something has got to give… right? Yes, yes it does. But I have to be honest, you may not like the answer. That something is you, beloved (in my Iyanla Vanzant voice)… a lot of the time you can’t find someone to love you and treat you the way you deserve because you’ve failed to do that for yourself.

It’s been said that chaos attracts more chaos and broken people attract other broken people. If you’re someone that cringes at the thought of being single for too long, are quick to hop from relationship to relationship without giving yourself the proper time to heal, or constantly seek validation from your relationship status you’re kind of putting a huge target on your back. Like there’s some type of radar that is sent off into the universe letting all the people you have no business dealing with know that you’re available. All so they can come into your life and mess with your emotions even more, further prolonging your necessary healing. It’s a vicious cycle that many people have inadvertently put themselves into and are clueless on how to break it.

That’s why I’m here to help you! Unfortunately, there’s no blueprint to this shit. But I know a good place to start…YOU! More specifically, looking for love within yourself aka self-love. Loving your strong qualities, your flaws, your own company, everything! Because when you love yourself, you’re better equipped to recognize bad situations and protect yourself by avoiding them all together. Write, meditate, see a therapist, – there are many ways to work on the relationship with yourself; but it takes time, patience and commitment.

Photo Credit:

Here’s something you may not know- the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. Be aware of yourself, and what you need. Learn from your mistakes. Speak up for yourself! Take care of yourself. Do the work; and most importantly, when you feel like you’re ready to start dating again, do so with a purpose!

Here are a few things to remember if you ever feel yourself falling back into your old ways (See Below):


  1. Sex is not love and it doesn’t ensure a commitment.
  2. Words are not actions.
  3. People will only do what you allow them to.

Share your ideas & your thoughts on today’s post in the comments section below, on our Facebook page, Twitter, Pinterest, or by tagging us on InstagramSign up for our newsletter to receive  updates on Fashion & Beauty series, Relationship, Health & Fit tips,  Traveling, & Parenting tips in your inbox.

Bio: Monique Elise is a lifestyle blogger and self-published author that resides in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Monique’s blog focuses on dating and relationship. Her debut novel, “Dilemmas of a Damsel: Part I” was released Summer 2017, which can be purchase on .  For more information on Monique, please visit her site at  & follow her at: TwitterInstagram, & Facebook.


  • Keda
    August 12, 2018

    ❤❤ book marking to read again…

  • Mardene
    August 18, 2018

    Sigh! It’s like some persons always have to be in a relationship even if it is killing them. We have to love ourselves enough to know that it’s okay to be single and wait until you find that special person.

  • Tiffany
    August 21, 2018

    Great post. This is so true. Thanks for sharing ♥️ ♥️ By any chance you are interested on doing collaborations, you can check out the collaborations portal of and connect with amazing brands!


  • Tabitha
    August 22, 2018

    I haven’t been on the dating scene in FOREVER! But all your points are ones I agree with. The last term… people will only do what you allow them to is a big YES! Great pointers.

  • Danay
    August 22, 2018

    AMEN Chica! There is nothing you will ever be able to get from a relationship that will make you happier with yourself. A relationship is about sharing your joy, self and love with another and receiving it in return.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.